Lagi Pengen Nulis

Hi There!

Hwah, udah lama banget aku gak update blog gak jelas ini. Lamaaaaa banget *lebai. Sebenernya banyak banget yang pengen aku tulis di sini. Ada hari-hari terakhirku di Amerika, perjalanan pulang ke Indonesia yang melelahkan dan tak terlupakan, insiden Flu Babi yang membuatku diisolasi, kangen-kangenan sama temen-temen tercinta, pertemuan dengan temen-temen baru, asik enggaknya jadi seorang seniornya senior di sekolah, reverse homesickness, laptop baru, kegiatan sekolah yang seabrek, sampe tentang 'butterfly' in my chest. Tapi oh tapi, kenyataan yang aku alami tidak mengijinkanku untuk berleha-leha di depan komputer sambil merekam memori-memori menyenangkan di blog ini. Oh well, mau gimana lagi? Namanya juga anak kelas 12...

Nah, kalo nyatanya aku lagi sibuk, kenapa sekarang aku bisa nulis postingan ini? Yah, inilah yang disebut dengan perencanaan skala prioritas yang buruk. Seharusnya sekarang ini aku sedang berada di kamar, berkutat dengan LKS Matematika, Worksheet Biologi, dan tugas gambar perspektif. Tapi, aku menerima panggilan jiwa *halah*, so here I am, trying to sum up my feelings.

nah lo, sekarang bingung mau nulis apa.....

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oia, aku sedang dilanda virus 'senior year'; yaitu virus kebingungan dan kehilangan arah. Seperti halnya kebanyakan anak-anak kelas 12 yang lain, aku pun masih bingung untuk menentukan kemanakah aku akan melanjutkan studi setelah lulus SMA. Keinginan masih banyak dan menyebar, ada pula keinginan yang bertentangan dengan orang tua. Teknik Industri, Teknik Kimia, Teknik Elektro, Kedokteran, atau malah Hubungan Internasional? Kemarin aku udah nyoba mencoret beberapa option dan menyisakan dua pilihan, yaitu Teknik Industri dan Teknik Kimia, tapi.... aku takut kalo suatu saat berubah lagi. Well, nggak perlu takut sih sebenernya, tapi aku emang gitu... Sering kehilangan arah, susah memutuskan sesuatu, dan takut gagal.

Oh iya, sekarang aku juga lagi nyari-nyari info beasiswa di luar negeri, doain yaa... Kata orang-orang sih, beasiswa S1 tuh jarang, tapi ya siapa tau...

Hmm...sebenernya masih banyak yang pengen kutulis, tapi... udah jam 8 nih, tugas-tugas menunggu!

Btw, lewat postingan ini aku juga pengen menyebar semangat (ini kayak judul majalah basa Jawa aja, *Panjebar Semangat*) kepada semua siswa kelas 12 di Indonesia, terutama para Pejuang Bhawikarsu.. Smangat rek!!! We'll get through this!!! Semoga kita lulus 100%!!! Let's do our best and God will do the rest ;)

Jangan lupa awali semuanya dengan doa....

Wish you luck!

A Thousand Miles

Makin' my way downtown, walkin' fast

Faces pass, and I'm homebound

Staring blankly ahead just makin' a way

Makin' my through the crowd

And I need you and I miss you

And now I wonder if I could fall into the sky

Do yo think time would pass me by

Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles

If I could just see you tonight

It's always times like these when I think of you

And I wonder if you ever think of me

Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong

livin' in your precious memory

Cause I need you and I miss you

And now I wonder if I could fall into the sky

Do yo think time would pass me by

Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles

If I could just see you tonight

I, I don't wanna let you know

I, I drown in your memory

I, I don't wanna let this show

I, I don'tMakin' my way downtown,

Walkin' fast, faces pass, and I'm homebound

Staring blankly ahead, just makin' a way

Makin' my through the crowd

And I still need you I still miss you

And now I wonder if I could fall into the sky

Do yo think time would pass us by

Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles

If I could just see you

Oh oh oh

If I could fall into the sky

Do you think time would pass me by

Coz you know I'd walk a thousand miles

If I could just see youIf I could just hold you tonight

~Sang beautifully by an angel~

I've Fallen in Love with This City of Million Faces

New York City, April 27th 2009

"Rainbow"

I have been thinking about homosexuality for a long time. Not that I am becoming a lesbian or something...I just want to understand how different people in the world see it. I had a wicked long email thread with my American friend about this issue. Apparently, we have a slightly different point of view about this. If someone who happens to read this post is a gay or lesbian or anybody else , don't be offended, I'm just a confused kid who is trying to understand the world ;)

So, here is how I think about homosexuality... Based on my background culture and religion, I would say that homosexuality is not "normal". I put "quotes" on it because normality is very relative, depending on people's perspective, culture, religion, and commonness. Commonness, is that a word?

Well, anyway, I say that homosexuality is not normal because I grew up in a community where homosexuality is not exposed. Frankly, I have never known any homosexual people before I came to America. Second, I grew up in a religious community. I remember that Quran mentions the indecency between two men, but I don't know exactly how are we suppose to interpret it. Click here for some more Quran quotes about homosexuality.

My friend agrees about the relativity of normality, but she said "Not normal doesn't mean it's wrong." Well, I am not sure I agree with this. I mean, what is it that make you say something is wrong? It is (again) different in different culture and custom.

I am sorry, but I think being homosexual is against the nature. I mean... men are created to be with women, water is created to overcome fire, etc etc. But, when I think about it... I realize, homosexuality comes naturally. You cannot choose who are you going to fall in love with. If you happen to fall in love with someone with the same gender, what can you do?

I was being so insensitive when I told my friend that I believe that gay people can "change" their homosexuality. My friend was outraged, I guess. She said that it's hurtful to even say that. She said that it's so hateful when people say that "straight" is normal and everyone who is not straight has to change themselves. She doesn't believe that people can truly change being gay. They can oppress and supress it until they drive themseves crazy, but someday they will act out of it. She said, "People are people, just because someone is against it, or disagrees with gay marriage, or gay people in general doesn't mean they should make them, or even tell them that they can "change". it's ridiculous to even say that"

Oooh...I got slapped in my face. When I said that, I don't mean that I want to make them change or anything. I just believe that they can. I am not a preacher or something, I have no power to tell people what to do; I dont' even want to.

I don't know...I am so sad to see how the way I think is so hurtful for other people...but what am I supposed to do? This is how I believe it...

I am probably now being so conservative, but I am trying my best to be open-minded. I know that nobody cares about my opinion or what I think about something, so I just say what I have in my mind.

So, after a long thought, I came to a personal conclusion. If someday I ever fall in love with a girl, I would try my best to fall out of love (even if people say it's impossible). But, I will never be a homophobic person. I totally respect all people regardless their point of view about everything, including homosexuality.

As I wrote on my previous post "Day of Silence", I hate people who discriminate gay or lesbian. I respect their choice and I don't want to hurt their feelings.

Well, yeah...that's a bit of my confusion..
God... please help me fathom this...

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O yeah... related to the topic, I have a little story and pictures to share ;)

Last month, I had a trip with other NH exchangies to Provincetown, MA. Provincetown (P-town for instance) is a very neat and pretty town. It is not big but lovely. It's so nice just to walk downtown and go to the stores. P-town is wellknown as a big community of gay-lesbian. Yeah, it is very obvious. Beside there are many couples that you can meet, there are many gay-pride-flags being displayed in P-town stores and homes.

I found this eccentric fountain in front of a bauty salon (if I'm not mistaken). At first, I only found it interesting because of the barbies. Then, when I saw the picture I took, I noticed that there is the more interesting thing about the barbies. Can you see it? Ah, P-town is soo unique ^^

Yup, there are many many accesories with rainbow colors on it. As you can read on the picture, the rainbow is a symbol of gay pride. Oh yeah...and I bought a postcard with rainbow on it...for souvenir ;)

photo courtesy of sfPhotocraft

A picture of rainbow flag on one of P-town's store

So much things to tell, so little time to write

I can't explain how I feel right now. I feel everything. Sad, happy, excited, gloomy, whatever.

These last two weeks were very hectic. I had so much things to do, mostly schoolworks. I had so many things to write here, including my trip to Provincetown, MA and New York City, also my intense e-conversation with Lucy. I just don't have enough time to do that.

Now.. Theresia just left for Germany. T-T

I don't know when can we meet again. Probably not at all... but I really hope we will someday.

This makes me think how soon I am going to leave. A lil bit more than a month. Jade and Pato are gonna leave before me. And next week is the last meeting with NH exchangies. Everybody is gonna leave real soon. We don't know if we ever get a chance to meet each other again. To think about goodbyes are just painful.

My goodbyes are not gonna stop there. When I get back home, there will be a farewell party for my friends who are graduating from high school. I just get back to see them, and I have to see them leave! They're my besties,, and my school days are gonna be different without them T-T

I hope everything will be alright...

A Post When I am Mentally TIRED T-T

Capek...capek...capek...

Haduh...rasanya pengen bobok seharian penuh. Udah dari seminggu yang lalu aku pengen ngepost cerita2 dari spring break yang sangat menyenangkan itu...tapi apa daya, those damned homeworks were waiting to be done. Kalo udah soal peer, aku jadi nggak tahan. Pengennya dikerjain dulu, baru seneng-seneng. Tapi kok sampe sekarang belom seneng-seneng juga??? Sabaaar... soalnya besok aku bakal have fun juga.

Hff...ini aku baru nyeleseiin Newsletter buat Bina Antarbudaya sama POW buat math class-ku. Sebenernya masih ada satu tugas lagi: English creative writing. Kalo itu bisa nunggu dikit lah...soalnya aku belum ada inspirasi.

Ngomong2 soal mentally exhausted...aku jadi mikir, ntar kalo masuk kelas 3 apa aku kuat ya? Les, bimbel di skolah, pr, tugas, ujian praktek, UAS, UNAS, PMB, SNMPTN....what the hell?? Akhir akhir ini, di Facebook temenku pada rame soal PMB unair dan ITB plus SNMPTN. Ada beberapa temenku yang berhasil tembus PMB (congratulationS!!), tapi ada juga beberapa temenku yang harus ikut SNMPTN karena nggak diterima PMB. Aku juga baca notes mereka yang saling menyemangati satu sama lain. Hh...rek, aku bangga sama kalian semua T-T

Btw, aku harus nyiapin diri sebelum masuk kelas 3. Harus nyiapin diri karena aku bakal punya temen-temen baru (semoga mereka bakal sekeren dan se-nyenengin temen2ku yang sekarang)...harus nyiapin diri buat nerima ekspektasi tinggi dari ortu dan keluarga... dan yang paling penting, nyiapin diri untuk ngeluarin tenaga habis-habisan buat belajar, berusaha, dan berdoa. Yup, taun depan akan jadi taun yang penting buat aku.

Tahun lalu, sewaktu aku di Jakarta buat orientasi Nasional, aku dijemput Om Uki. Beliau tuh sepupunya papaku. Di mobil, beliau bilang, "Semoga eki nanti bisa jadi orang sukses pertama di keluarganya Eyang Yunus ya.." Orang sukses pertama? Yup, karena aku cucu pertamanya eyang. Pastinya, ortuku dan keluargaku berharap banyak dari aku, apalagi setelah exchange year-ku di USA ini.

hmm...burden? yes. Motivation? yes.

Eki Semangaaaat!!!

^,^9

btw, besok aku berangkat ke Cape Cod... trus minggu depan, di skolah ada Carnival Week..

Smoga bisa memulihkan otakku yang lagi lesu ini..

:D

Ganbatte!!

?!?!?!?!?

Who could believe that I am the only one who got an A of English Paper in my class????
I couldn't.
but I am...
Thanks to Owen Meany, LOL